How Apple Weaponizes Music

And Inadvertently Divides Families

Dear Fauxs,

If the headline of this newsletter sounds like click-bait to you, trust your instincts.

If you are new here, let me explain.

Each week, I add a new song idea to an album series over on Bandcamp which, like this newsletter, is called “From the Mixed Up Files of Mr. Matthew T. Schindler.”¹

Today’s addition to the album is called “Walk Down La’s” and you can listen to it for free right here:

This song was recorded on an iPad using GarageBand.

Here’s a screenshot of the session.

I am not in my natural habitat when recording music on an iPad.

But I laid down this little acoustic bit with vocals on the same track and thought it sounded cool, so I built it out a bit.²

This was in 2019.

I wanted to listen to the song in the car as a WAV file to get a feel for the sonics.

To export a song session to a WAV file from GarageBand on the iPad, you hit the “Share” icon and it asks you how you want to export it.

I didn’t realize it, but I must have accidentally hit “ringtone” instead of “song” when “sharing” this number.³

Subsequently, this song started playing instead of the default ringtone I’d had any time the alarm went off.

I noticed it first when my family called in to do a FaceTime and “Walk Down La’s” started playing to alert me to the fact instead of the normal beeping.

I was like, “How the heck did that happen?”⁴

Long story short, my kids have come to loathe this piece of music that I created, because when they hear it, it means it’s time to wake up, get off screens, go to school, and what have you.

La La La La La La.

I have since changed the alarm back to a more “beep beep” kind of ringtone, but the damage has been done.

In all honesty, Apple makes incredible products and I am lucky to be able to use them in my creative process nowadays.

Even if “share” seems like a weird word choice for exporting a track.

Thanks Apple.

I remain your humble servant,

OX&C,

Faux Jean

Here are the Lyrics:

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La La La La La La. La La La La La La.

La La La La La La.La La La La La La.

La La La La La La.La La La La La La.

La La La La La La.La La La La La La.

La La La La La La.La La La La La La.

1. These songs are culled from a couple decades of putting little ideas down on tape (or as voice memos, etc.) in hopes of reaching a level of grandeur despite the limitations of the media.

2. I may have recorded this straight to the built-in mics.

3. Unless, of course, Apple was playing around with getting more people to create ringtones and did this on their own.

4. I should note I am a goddamned geezer and barely a digital native.