Love is in the Air
Dearest Faux Valentines,
When I was in 4th grade, my Grandfather Schindler died on Valentine’s Day.
I remember coming downstairs for breakfast that day, and Dad was on the kitchen phone, standing on the landing with his head kind of hung down.
He said a few things quietly and then went back upstairs.
I didn’t catch what was going on, but my Mom informed me as I ate a bowl of cereal that my Grandfather Schindler had had a heart attack in the night and passed away.
This was devastating news.
Rudolf Schindler was a wonderful, loving man.
Nothing bad like this had ever happened in my short life.
All five of us Schindler kids went to school that day, resolved to stay strong and accept that death is a natural part of life etc. etc.1
My resolve lasted until about lunchtime.
I remember being in the bathroom with my friends and beginning to cry and then not being able to stop crying.
I started taking paper towels out of the dispenser to wipe my tears and then I just started taking paper towels out in rage and throwing them around as my friends’ eyes got really big as their old friend Faux Jean lost his mind.
I was sent home from school with teary, swollen eyes and a hurting heart.
My teacher that year, Mr. Pohl, asked my friends if I had any Valentines to distribute to classmates, since I left before the exchanging of cards.
“Oh sure, Mr. Pohl, we’ll take care of it!” they said.
When I returned to school the next day, eyes probably still a bit swollen, I at least had the consolation of having a bunch of Valentines to read, as we were required to give them to everyone.
A certain Valentine that I received from a girl named C— seemed especially puzzling to me.
In big letters, she had written: “I love you too!!!!”
“What the heck is that supposed to mean?” I mused to my friends.
They feigned surprise and wonder but eventually fell to laughter and admitted that they had doctored some of my Valentines to profess love for certain girls.
I was angry, but at the same time, kinda like “Huh, she loves me. That’s kinda cool.2”
The next year, I resolved to monetize this propensity for love among young people and created a business called “Mini-Marriage.”
I enlisted some friends to stay after school and help me make posters. We papered the school with lots of glittery red hearts declaring that I would be performing ceremonies on the playground for 25¢ to make official any and all crushes.
When I arrived the next day, all of my beautiful posters were gone and Mr. Bush lectured all three fifth grade classes on the mysteries of love in Springtime and everybody needs to settle down!
My first entrepreneurial effort was thwarted before I made so much as a nickel.
Thankfully, I was not punished, and my parents were not informed.
I still believe in love, and write songs about it too.
Today’s addition to the “Mixed Up Files” is one such song.3
This song appeared on the “Aquarius” LP by the Spring Collection in 1999, which I released on my vanity label The New Fidelity.
This demo is off the hook by any metric.
Still miss Grandfather Schindler.
I remain your humble servant,
OXOX&C,
Faux Jean
Here are the Lyrics:
Love is in the air
See it everywhere
Falling form the trees like autumn leaves
I'm one of them
See it in the sky
Stop to wonder why
Don't need a weatherman to see I'm lonely
Someone told me something 'bout a lover (yeah!)
That they once had
Treated her just like she wanted
But it was inanimate
I don't want to live like that
I'd really rather have someone
To have and hold and be a friend
Until we grow so very old
Whew!
Love is in the air
You see it in the trees
Blowing in the breeze
And I need a weatherman
Falling from the sky
It gets caught in your eye
Why oh why must I spend my
whole life alone?!
Someone told me something 'bout a lover (yeah!)
That they once had
Treated her just like she wanted
But it was inanimate
I don't want to live like that
I'd really rather have someone
To have and hold and be a friend
Until we grow so very old
Wooo-hooo!
Love is in the air
See it everywhere
Falling form the trees like autumn leaves
I'm one of them
Welcome to the sky
I stop and wonder why
Why oh why must I always be alone?
I still struggle with this; yes, death is a natural part of the human lifecycle and all that jazz, but the thought of it still makes me very sad.
Except for the fact that I actually had a girlfriend who was pissed about the whole affair.
Written over 25 years ago!
You just made my day!! Thank you, Faux Jean <3 <3 <3 I've always loved this song and totally dig the electric piano riff that made it onto Aquarius. And now I love it even more because of your beloved Grandpa Schindler and how your sadness led to the fun, entrepreneurial Mini-Marriage experience.
My 4th grade Halloween costume led to a similar uprising when I turned my flower girl dress into a bridal gown, which my teacher, Mrs. Bea Anderson, deemed "entirely inappropriate for a fourth grader." The class staged a revolt and held a lunch recess wedding ceremony for me and the new kid, Brad, whom I had a total crush on -- every day for a WEEK!! By Friday, it was a total mob scene and all the classes were getting involved. It became a hybrid game of Kiss or Kill, all the boys and girls chasing each other and kissing each other and dragging people off to be forcibly married. Needless to say, all the grownups -- from the playground to the Principal's office -- lost their shizzle, prompting several lectures.
I'm sure Grandpa Schilndler was watching down on you and having a good laugh when you heard wherefore from Mr. Bush.
These are the things that I'll forever be thinking about whenever I hear "Love is in the Air." Also, I'm so glad to finally know all the lyrics (said the blushing master lyrics mis-hearer...) Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
I read several Valentine-themed Substacks today, and I heart yours the most.